“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

— Matthew 7:1–2

Which describes you better: “the swift hand of judgment” or “the patient heart of grace”? If you’re like most of us, you relate better to the former. For some reason, we feel better about ourselves when we see something wrong in others.

But Jesus said, “Judge not.” Does that mean that we should never find fault with anyone? We need to see others with clear eyes, and if someone does wrong, we should lovingly identify it to help that person get back on track. But we shouldn’t make a habit of finding fault. The tense of the Greek verb used in the passage above means “do not be always, continually finding fault and judging one another.” That type of continual judgment reaps its own consequences. Take, for example, the wife who constantly reminds her husband to wipe off his shoes before entering the house or the husband who over and over harps on his wife’s driving skills. While each may succeed in getting his or her spouse to change behavior, the harsh comments will come back in a thousand different ways. “With the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” That is a divine guarantee. No one is more miserable than a henpecked spouse, except for the person heaping such harsh judgment upon him or her. People who judge like this don’t even know why they feel so miserable, but it’s because their judgment comes back to them with the same measure they used.

In his classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie writes: “Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.” Although we might not live out this philosophy on a daily basis, we can still strive for such a positive ideal.

We all make mistakes, and we all deserve judgment. But fortunately for us, Christ doesn’t judge us as harshly as we often judge each other. Christ is the friend of sinners. Instead of pointing out our faults, He took them upon Himself once and for all. He who has the right to judge says, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” He offers to take us into His family and to make us His own just as we are.

Let that truth sustain and inspire you. Remember that Christ has chosen to forgive you, not to judge you. And because of His sacrifice and example, extend the same grace to those you interact with today.

“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor
after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.”
Hoosier Farmer

“And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”

— Matthew 6:12

Christianity is a religion of forgiveness. Christ has paid the price for all our millions of sins; He forgives and forgets each one we confess. And He expects us to do the same with those around us, forgiving and forgetting their sins against us.

We especially need to extend forgiveness to our family members. Often we are less willing to forgive a parent, sibling, spouse, or child than we are to forgive a friend or guest in our homes. For example, how would you react if a friend spilled a cup of coffee on your favorite couch? Would you react differently if a son or daughter did the very same thing? Suppose you have company and a guest picks up a beautiful vase from the table and says, “My, this is beautiful. Where did you . . . Oh, my gracious! I broke it!” You’d probably reply, “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing. I know where I can get another one.” (Never mind that you bought the vase in a little shop in Istanbul, Turkey, a place you’ll never visit again!) But would you be so tenderhearted if your spouse or even a roommate broke it?

If we want to foster healthy Christian homes, we need to extend forgiveness to those who live with us. No matter how great the offense, we need to forgive, remembering that our offenses against our forgiving God are much greater. So keep short accounts with God and with your family.

Not only must we forgive others, we must also forget their offenses against us, a much neglected aspect of forgiveness. How many times have you heard people say, “Oh, I forgive him (or her) all right, but I’ll never forget”? But true forgiving is forgetting. God says that He will forgive our sins and will remember them against us no more. In His action He models for us how we should respond when people hurt us. Forgiveness means that you don’t say, “You always do that” or “There you go again.” Forgiveness means that we don’t rehash old trespasses again and again like a cow chewing its cud. If we do, we haven’t truly forgiven.

If we choose not to forgive those who sin against us, neither will our heavenly Father forgive us. Do you need to forgive someone today, forgetting that person’s trespass against you?

“Every person should have a special cemetery lot in which
to bury the faults of friends and loved ones.”
Anonymous

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

— Proverbs 27:17, NIV

Have you ever noticed that the years seem to fly by at breakneck speed? A child is born, and before you know it, he or she is walking. For months, you plan a big party, and before you know it, it seems as if the party took place six months ago. You lay out the perfect vacation getaway, and soon you’re wistfully poring through a photo album of the trip. It just seems as if life runs on fast forward.

Well, in one sense life does fly by, because from an eternal perspective, life is short. Before long, your family will grow and move away. Even your career will fade into retirement. But for those of us who are married, God has placed us on this temporal earth in part to develop our relationships with our spouses, relationships that mirror the eternal relationship between Christ and His Church.

Marriage prepares us for eternity by teaching us the process of sanctification. Sometimes we wonder why our husbands or wives rub us the wrong way, and yet, that process is part of God’s design. As iron sharpens iron, so one person can sharpen the other. We have rough edges that need to be rubbed off, and many a person has found that marriage grinds off all sorts of undesirable characteristics. (Not that marriage is a grind; it’s often anything but.)

Marriage is a school in which we daily learn forgiveness, patience, and love. In marriage, we learn to develop an intimate relationship, and that process teaches us how to pursue an intimate relationship with Christ. The three main ingredients in both of these relationships are commitment, love, and trust.

I hope that today you find joy in your relationship with your spouse—someone who will encourage you, even if that means helping to smooth away some rough edges. Welcome this process, because before you know it, life will be over. Then you’ll experience the eternity you’ve prepared for, and you’ll find yourself face to face with Jesus Christ as His bride.

“Home—the nursery of the infinite.”
William Ellery Channing

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

— Genesis 2:24

A patient once told a doctor, “I am in so much pain.” The doctor replied, “You will get better if you follow my instructions. Number one: Don’t kill yourself.”

Many people who are in great pain would never think of killing themselves. But when people experience pain in their marital relationships, they often think of “killing” their marriages. Do you have a marriage in trouble or know someone else who does? Then before doing anything else, follow (or encourage your friend to follow) this first rule for a successful marriage: “Don’t even consider ending it.” Marriage counselors report that ninety to ninety-five percent of troubled marriages can be healed. But that can only happen if you stick with it. Think only about doing what you can to save and heal your marriage, not about the other options the world offers.

The second rule for a successful marriage is: “Maintain a vital spiritual life.” Day by day draw closer to Christ, praying and reading His Word by yourself and with your spouse. We all need to know God’s Word so we can avoid worldly pitfalls that can chip away at our marriages. Therefore, search God’s Word, and obey it so that it may change your life and your marriage.

The third rule is: “Develop communication.” The marriage encounter program begins by sending couples to their rooms, where each person writes a letter listing all the positive things about his or her spouse. Then spouses exchange letters and read them out loud. When husbands and wives go to the next general meeting, they’re changed people. Tell your spouse what you like about him or her, and it will revolutionize your marriage.

The fourth rule is: “Turn up the thermostat in your marriage.” Show warmth and affection and intimacy. Hold hands the way you did when you were courting. Walk with your arms around each other. As you do, you’ll find that a touch can work magic.

Whether or not you have a marriage in trouble, I encourage you to apply these “rules” in your home today. As you seek to obey God’s will for your marriage, He will bless it, making it healthy and vital. And remember, don’t ever give up.

“When a man and woman get married, they become one.
The problems start when they try to figure out which one.”

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

— Proverbs 15:1, NIV

How are your relationships going these days? As you evaluate them, maybe you realize you’ve hit a snag with a close friend, spouse, co-worker, or neighbor. If so, what will you do about it?

Whether you’re single or married, a child or an elderly person, solving problems in relationships is one of the most important skills you will ever learn. It not only makes for a successful family life, it also makes for a successful career, a successful education, and a successful social life. Unless we have these skills, we’ll never be truly happy.

When we have a problem with someone, we have to learn to state that problem in a gentle, positive way. A simple and positive problem statement is important because if you don’t start right, you’ll have little hope of ending right. If in a kind voice, you say something like “I feel this way when you do such-and-such,” the other person can discover how you react to certain statements and actions (regardless of what that person may have intended). Instead of responding angrily, respond in kindness—“a gentle answer turns away wrath.”

We also need to listen actively and not interrupt. Summarize what you heard, and allow the other person to rephrase things if you didn’t quite understand. Listening in this way is really just applying the Golden Rule.

Next, brainstorm with the other person a mutually agreeable solution. Offer suggestions: “Well, we could do this, or we could do that.” Don’t criticize anyone’s suggestions (for example, avoid saying, “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”). Criticism freezes the brain and destroys our ability to develop creative solutions.

Once you’ve brainstormed some options, weigh the pros and cons of these potential solutions, and agree on one that is mutually acceptable. Implement it, and later evaluate its effectiveness.

Perhaps you desire reconciliation with someone who matters to you. Can you take the first step and give that person a “gentle answer” today?

“God gave us the ultimate soft answer.
He sent His Son to die in our place upon the Cross.”

“. . . you shall not bow down to them nor serve them . . .”

— Exodus 20:5

Two sailors squirmed in church as they heard the reading of the Ten Commandments. One of them whispered to the other, “Well, at least we didn’t worship any idols.” Do you also feel certain you’ve kept this commandment? We often seem to think we don’t have to worry about this one, but if this is true, why do the Scriptures often warn against idolatry? God knew that we are religious beings who need to worship something. And when we cease to worship the one true God, we replace Him with idolatry.

God knows our weak nature, our need to follow and worship something that transcends ourselves. In fact, even before the words of the Ten Commandments had settled in stone, the people of Israel had broken them, committing spiritual adultery in Horeb by worshiping a golden calf beneath the Lord’s presence while Moses was on Mount Sinai. Jeroboam doubled the sin in Bethel and in Dan, creating two calves for the people to worship. Throughout the Old Testament, from Solomon to Zedekiah, the people of Israel pursued their idols to the high places and brought God’s wrath upon themselves, until Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonian hordes came, tore down the walls of Jerusalem, and carried the people captive into Babylon. In the furnace of Babylon, the last debris of idolatry was burned away.

Idolatry is an illegitimate way to fill a legitimate need. People have quested after a tangible God—one who can be felt, seen, and heard. Within the human heart exists the desire to see and know God personally. That need does not have to remain unmet. Jesus, who was fully God and fully man, satisfies that need, revealing God’s nature to us.

Have you set something or someone above God? Make sure you give God His proper place in your life as your Lord who deserves all your praise.

“I will worship God, for He abides forever.”
Abraham
(according to jewish legend)

“Seek peace and pursue it.”

— Psalm 34:14

What creates stress? Nowadays there are many situations that produce stress within us. We have stressful jobs, stressful relationships, stressful responsibilities. But listen to what one doctor says: “Since stress comes from the way in which you think, and not from the situation or people involved in your stress, you can begin to practice mind control.” Well, now, isn’t that news. Three thousand years after King David told us to “Seek peace and pursue it,” we discover that we can find the antidote for stress in our own minds.

The apostle Paul knew the importance of peace. He began many of his epistles with the words “Peace be unto you.” He ended many of them with “Grace, mercy and peace be yours.” Peace is the alpha and omega of the Christian’s well-being. As children of God, peace should be our normal state, and it will be the totality of our mental state in Heaven. But right now, unfortunately, many people fail to find it.

How sad it is to see unbelievers struggle—in vain—to find peace by turning to Eastern religious practices such as transcendental meditation or yoga. But even many believers don’t seem to find the peace they need. Instead, we all experience anxiety, stress, and a lack of serenity to some degree.

We need to seek the peace of God and pursue it in the morning, at night, throughout each day, in the midst of stressful situations. We need to recover weekly so that we don’t build up an accumulation of ever-growing stress in our lives. Do you feel stressed out, as if you can’t take any more? Then take time to lie “beside the still waters.” Take time out once a week for a restful, worshipful Sabbath. Above all, take time to really hear God’s words: “Be still and know that I am God.”

“It is not adversity that kills, but the impatience
with which we bear adversity.”
Anonymous

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

— Philippians 4:8

Whatever we hide in our hearts reflects in our behavior, and our behavior reflects our hearts to the world. If you could see your heart in a mirror, what characteristics would that mirror reflect?

A family decided to move to a town across the river from where they lived. They could only cross the river by sailing on a large raft. The family members asked the man who operated the raft, “What kind of people live in our new town?” He said, “Well, what kind of people did you find in your old town?” They said, “Oh, these were the most wonderful people—loving, caring, kind, and thoughtful. We really hate to lose them.” The man replied, “Well, I think you’ll find that the people in your new town are the same kind of folks.”

A week or so later, another family sailed across the same river on the same raft. The family members asked the man the same question as the first family, and they received a similar response: “What kind of people did you find in your old town?” This family said, “Oh, those folks. What a bunch of no-good, low-down cutthroats. They would lie about you, talk about you behind your back, and gossip. They’re malicious and vile. We couldn’t wait to get away from them.”

Each family had attracted people who mirrored their own behavior and would continue to do so no matter where they moved. In the same way, what we reflect to the world affects the environment around us. If we want to impact people to become loving, truthful, noble, pure, and virtuous, then we need to reflect those characteristics from our hearts.

Here are some Scriptures to hide in your heart that will reflect well in the world. “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matthew 7:1). “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12). “For all who take the sword will perish by the sword” (Matthew 26:52). “A soft answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). “A man who has friends must himself be friendly” (Proverbs 18:24).

Today ask God to show you how you can better reflect godly characteristics to those around you. Then put into practice anything He asks of you. As you obey, God will use you to impact your world.

“The world is a looking glass and gives back to every
man the reflection of his own face.”
William Thackeray

“You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

— James 4:3

Unanswered prayers are a stumbling block. Often when people pray but don’t hear answers from God, they believe that God doesn’t listen, that He doesn’t care, or even that He doesn’t exist. But God is most definitely there, and He wants to answer our prayers. However, we often get in His way. God doesn’t answer some of our prayers because we ask “amiss,” as James puts it. In other words, there’s something wrong with the sender (us), not the hearer (God), of the prayers.

If you’ve persistently asked God to answer a prayer, yet you haven’t heard an answer from Him, you might have “static on the line,” an obstruction in communication with your heavenly Father. I’d like to share with you five prayers that can put you back on course to an effective prayer life:

1. “O God, slay me.” As new creatures in Christ we constantly wrestle with our old wretched selves. As long as the old nature prevails, God will not answer our prayers. Thus, we should ask God to slay our old nature.
2. “O God, cleanse me by Thy blood.” If we expect God to answer our prayers, we should not come into His presence stained in sin. Instead we must confess and turn away from our sins.
3. “Fill me with the Holy Spirit.” We need to pray that the Spirit will fill us and empower us to live for God daily and to overcome temptation.
4. “God, lead me this day.” God has a perfect plan, a far better plan for our lives than we can create. We must allow Him to lead us in His will daily.
5. “Dear Lord, use me this day for your glory.” We must make ourselves available to God as His bond servants, willing to do whatever He asks of us.

I encourage you to sincerely pray these prayers, meditate upon them, and use them to present yourself to God as a clean and willing servant. As you pray this way, Christ will surprise you with joy as He makes Himself known more fully in your daily walk. You’ll no doubt find that as you pray according to His will, you’ll experience some incredible answers beyond your wildest dreams.

“Heaven is never deaf but when man’s heart is dumb.”
Francis Quarles