“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

— Galatians 6:9

When you think of Abraham Lincoln, what qualities come to your mind? Compassion? Concern for the disenfranchised? Humor? While all those characteristics apply, I think if we really knew Lincoln, we’d find that the overriding quality of his character was perseverance.

Believe it or not, Abraham Lincoln was a failure. In almost every area of his life, he experienced defeat. As a young man, Lincoln ran for the state legislature and lost overwhelmingly. He went into business and failed completely. He became engaged to a beautiful, loving girl, but she died. Lincoln then married a woman who was a continual burden to him, a thorn in his flesh. Soon thereafter he decided to run for Congress but lost decidedly. After that, he tried to get an appointment to the U.S. Land Office, but he was turned down. He then decided to run for the United States Senate, but his competition pounded him into the ground. After all these defeats, he decided to become vice president of the United States. He was, as we know, defeated once again.

Abraham Lincoln lost at nearly everything he tried until he ran for and won the presidency of the United States. He persevered despite overwhelming discouragement and defeat, and because he persisted, he became one of the greatest leaders this world has ever known. Despite all the losses he suffered, Lincoln was never a loser because he never quit.

When we hear that litany of the losses endured by such an upstanding man and respectable leader, how can we not feel just a little ashamed at the number of times we’ve thrown in the towel? What a great reminder that we need never give up, because God has already promised we will triumph if we’ve entrusted our lives to Him.

Have you experienced defeat recently? My friend, keep persevering. Never give up, but instead rely on God’s promise to achieve victory in your life.

“A quitter never wins, and a winner never quits.”
Anonymous

“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’”

— Genesis 2:18

When God designed the human race, He made us male and female. He recognized that it was not good for Adam to be alone, that Adam needed a companion. (If Adam had been alone, you and I wouldn’t be here.)

But God’s provision of a mate to Adam doesn’t mean that every mature Christian should marry. Unfortunately, our society views singleness as a sign of immaturity and incompleteness. As our culture sees it, if a person is truly mature, he or she will find a suitable partner and marry.

But let’s consider Jesus. Jesus never had a date. He never kissed a girl (in the romantic sense). He was never engaged. He never got married. He never had any children or any grandchildren. Yet the whole world proclaims that He is the wisest, most mature, well-balanced person to ever live, maintaining positive relationships with people of both sexes. Jesus is a model for both married and single people.

I once asked a group to tell me the names of all the married couples in the New Testament who served the Lord. The group could think of only two: Aquila and Priscilla, and Joseph and Mary. Then I asked the group to name the single people who served the Lord, and the group brainstormed quite a list: Paul, John the Baptist, Titus, Timothy, Mark, Epaphroditus, Apollos, Phoebe, and Mary Magdalene. And really, the list could go on.

Are you single? Then first of all, thank God and praise Him for your gift of singleness. Second, use your singleness as a special opportunity to serve Him, perhaps embarking on an adventure you could never experience if you were married. Third, develop your own particular gifts, skills, and interpersonal relationships. Finally, trust the Lord to accomplish His will for you in this matter, and praise Him for whatever His will may be. Whatever path God chooses for you, He will enable you to walk it well and with contentment.

“I realize now there would have been no way I could have read the
books I’ve read, written the words I’ve written, gone the places I’ve gone,
studied the courses I have studied, learned the languages I have learned,
maintained the schedule I have maintained, mended the people I have
mended—if I had been encumbered by a husband and family.”
Evelyn Ramsey
(missionary, doctor, and linguist to the people of papua new guinea)

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church . . .”

— Ephesians 5:25

Since today is Valentine’s Day, let me take this opportunity to focus on marriage. Whether you’re married or hope to be married someday, I hope you’ll benefit from what I share.

If there’s one thing we all need today, it’s love in our homes. The Scriptures teach that the husband must love the wife (Ephesians 5:25) and that the wife must love the husband (Titus 2:4). But how must husbands and wives love each other? Unlike the message of many pop psychologists today, love is not a warm, fuzzy feeling, although warm feelings may grow out of true love. Instead, love is a commitment shown in acts of kindness and patience. The feelings will then follow, but by themselves, feelings provide a poor foundation for marriage.

We need to actively choose to love our spouses. We should do all we can to bring joy to their days, just as we did when we courted. Do you remember all you did when you were dating? Remember writing affectionate notes and planning romantic outings? Let’s regain some of that enthusiasm and apply it to our marriages, if we haven’t already. We can show our love in many different ways, even when we don’t feel like it. We should hunt for things that will please our spouses and put some sparkle and fizz into the relationship. If our spouses like or enjoy something, we should try to develop an interest in that area too. Even if we don’t feel the same level of interest, our spouses will feel loved just knowing that we want to please them.

Remember how, when you were first married, you placed your hopes and your dreams in the hands of your beloved? If any of that enthusiasm has fizzled, try to recapture it. Above all, strive to be the spouse that your beloved would like you to be. When both of you do that, you will have made this world a little bit of Heaven.

“Domestic Happiness, thou only bliss of
paradise that hast survived the fall.”
William Cowper

“. . . a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”

— Proverbs 19:13, niv

Remember the last time you took a walk and had to stop because something had worked its way inside your shoe? Isn’t it amazing how something so small can be so aggravating?

Peter Jenkins, in his book Walk Across America, chronicled his experiences traveling on foot across this continent. In his book, Jenkins explained that he never felt overwhelmed or defeated by the big things. Instead, he said, “What almost defeated me over and over again was the sand in my shoes.”

I believe many marriages suffer from the same principle. Unheralded, seldom-discussed “sand in the shoes” underlies many of the marital failures that scar this land. What do I mean by “sand in the shoes of marriage”? I refer to the abrasive sand of criticism.

When people get married, they often make the colossal mistake of supposing they can improve their spouses. Husbands and wives alike think they can achieve this goal by simply telling their spouses about their bad points. People seem quite confident that if they simply point out their spouses’ bad points often enough, their spouses will correct their faults and again become the perfect angels they were when they were first married. In other words, the marriage license becomes a hunting license for faults. But contrary to the critic’s intentions, this daily faultfinding becomes like “sand in the shoes” or a constant dripping on a rainy day.

Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you’ve recently been quick to point out your spouse’s faults. Consider this: If you emphasize your spouse’s good points, you might find that praise will take care of the bad points as nothing else will. Use your marriage license as a hunting license for good, to find virtue and not fault.

“Love looks through a telescope; envy through a microscope.”
Josh Billings

“Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord . . .”

— Psalm 33:12

Which describes you better: “the swift hand of judgment” or “the patient heart of grace”? If you’re like most of us, you relate better to the former. For some reason, we feel better about ourselves when we see something wrong in others.

Today is Abraham Lincoln’s birthday. This sixteenth president of the United States did tremendous things for our country, and he earned the lasting respect and loyalty of American citizens. But was he a Christian? A clergyman once asked Lincoln, “Do you love Jesus?” Lincoln responded, “When I left Springfield, I asked the people to pray for me. I was not a Christian. But when I went to Gettysburg and saw the graves of thousands of our soldiers, I then and there consecrated myself to Christ. Yes, I do love Jesus.”

Lincoln was a humble and forgiving person, and he exemplifies our need as a nation to humble ourselves before God. During the dark days of the Civil War, he declared national days of fasting and prayer (not a unique practice in that time). In one of those proclamations, he said:

It is the duty of nations as well as of men to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God; to confess their sins and transgressions in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon; and to recognize the sublime truth, announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord.

. . . We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth, and power as no other nation has ever grown; but we have forgotten God.

. . . It behooves us, then, to humble ourselves before the offended Power, to confess our national sins, and to pray for clemency and forgiveness. (March 30, 1863)

In our day, with terrible crime rates and immorality of every kind, we would do well to heed Lincoln’s words. Today, humble yourself before God, and ask Him to grant His mercy on this nation.

“. . . with malice toward none; with charity for all . . .”
Abraham Lincoln

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

— Matthew 7:1–2

Which describes you better: “the swift hand of judgment” or “the patient heart of grace”? If you’re like most of us, you relate better to the former. For some reason, we feel better about ourselves when we see something wrong in others.

But Jesus said, “Judge not.” Does that mean that we should never find fault with anyone? We need to see others with clear eyes, and if someone does wrong, we should lovingly identify it to help that person get back on track. But we shouldn’t make a habit of finding fault. The tense of the Greek verb used in the passage above means “do not be always, continually finding fault and judging one another.” That type of continual judgment reaps its own consequences. Take, for example, the wife who constantly reminds her husband to wipe off his shoes before entering the house or the husband who over and over harps on his wife’s driving skills. While each may succeed in getting his or her spouse to change behavior, the harsh comments will come back in a thousand different ways. “With the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” That is a divine guarantee. No one is more miserable than a henpecked spouse, except for the person heaping such harsh judgment upon him or her. People who judge like this don’t even know why they feel so miserable, but it’s because their judgment comes back to them with the same measure they used.

In his classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie writes: “Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.” Although we might not live out this philosophy on a daily basis, we can still strive for such a positive ideal.

We all make mistakes, and we all deserve judgment. But fortunately for us, Christ doesn’t judge us as harshly as we often judge each other. Christ is the friend of sinners. Instead of pointing out our faults, He took them upon Himself once and for all. He who has the right to judge says, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” He offers to take us into His family and to make us His own just as we are.

Let that truth sustain and inspire you. Remember that Christ has chosen to forgive you, not to judge you. And because of His sacrifice and example, extend the same grace to those you interact with today.

“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor
after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.”
Hoosier Farmer

“And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”

— Matthew 6:12

Christianity is a religion of forgiveness. Christ has paid the price for all our millions of sins; He forgives and forgets each one we confess. And He expects us to do the same with those around us, forgiving and forgetting their sins against us.

We especially need to extend forgiveness to our family members. Often we are less willing to forgive a parent, sibling, spouse, or child than we are to forgive a friend or guest in our homes. For example, how would you react if a friend spilled a cup of coffee on your favorite couch? Would you react differently if a son or daughter did the very same thing? Suppose you have company and a guest picks up a beautiful vase from the table and says, “My, this is beautiful. Where did you . . . Oh, my gracious! I broke it!” You’d probably reply, “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing. I know where I can get another one.” (Never mind that you bought the vase in a little shop in Istanbul, Turkey, a place you’ll never visit again!) But would you be so tenderhearted if your spouse or even a roommate broke it?

If we want to foster healthy Christian homes, we need to extend forgiveness to those who live with us. No matter how great the offense, we need to forgive, remembering that our offenses against our forgiving God are much greater. So keep short accounts with God and with your family.

Not only must we forgive others, we must also forget their offenses against us, a much neglected aspect of forgiveness. How many times have you heard people say, “Oh, I forgive him (or her) all right, but I’ll never forget”? But true forgiving is forgetting. God says that He will forgive our sins and will remember them against us no more. In His action He models for us how we should respond when people hurt us. Forgiveness means that you don’t say, “You always do that” or “There you go again.” Forgiveness means that we don’t rehash old trespasses again and again like a cow chewing its cud. If we do, we haven’t truly forgiven.

If we choose not to forgive those who sin against us, neither will our heavenly Father forgive us. Do you need to forgive someone today, forgetting that person’s trespass against you?

“Every person should have a special cemetery lot in which
to bury the faults of friends and loved ones.”
Anonymous

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

— Proverbs 27:17, NIV

Have you ever noticed that the years seem to fly by at breakneck speed? A child is born, and before you know it, he or she is walking. For months, you plan a big party, and before you know it, it seems as if the party took place six months ago. You lay out the perfect vacation getaway, and soon you’re wistfully poring through a photo album of the trip. It just seems as if life runs on fast forward.

Well, in one sense life does fly by, because from an eternal perspective, life is short. Before long, your family will grow and move away. Even your career will fade into retirement. But for those of us who are married, God has placed us on this temporal earth in part to develop our relationships with our spouses, relationships that mirror the eternal relationship between Christ and His Church.

Marriage prepares us for eternity by teaching us the process of sanctification. Sometimes we wonder why our husbands or wives rub us the wrong way, and yet, that process is part of God’s design. As iron sharpens iron, so one person can sharpen the other. We have rough edges that need to be rubbed off, and many a person has found that marriage grinds off all sorts of undesirable characteristics. (Not that marriage is a grind; it’s often anything but.)

Marriage is a school in which we daily learn forgiveness, patience, and love. In marriage, we learn to develop an intimate relationship, and that process teaches us how to pursue an intimate relationship with Christ. The three main ingredients in both of these relationships are commitment, love, and trust.

I hope that today you find joy in your relationship with your spouse—someone who will encourage you, even if that means helping to smooth away some rough edges. Welcome this process, because before you know it, life will be over. Then you’ll experience the eternity you’ve prepared for, and you’ll find yourself face to face with Jesus Christ as His bride.

“Home—the nursery of the infinite.”
William Ellery Channing

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

— Genesis 2:24

A patient once told a doctor, “I am in so much pain.” The doctor replied, “You will get better if you follow my instructions. Number one: Don’t kill yourself.”

Many people who are in great pain would never think of killing themselves. But when people experience pain in their marital relationships, they often think of “killing” their marriages. Do you have a marriage in trouble or know someone else who does? Then before doing anything else, follow (or encourage your friend to follow) this first rule for a successful marriage: “Don’t even consider ending it.” Marriage counselors report that ninety to ninety-five percent of troubled marriages can be healed. But that can only happen if you stick with it. Think only about doing what you can to save and heal your marriage, not about the other options the world offers.

The second rule for a successful marriage is: “Maintain a vital spiritual life.” Day by day draw closer to Christ, praying and reading His Word by yourself and with your spouse. We all need to know God’s Word so we can avoid worldly pitfalls that can chip away at our marriages. Therefore, search God’s Word, and obey it so that it may change your life and your marriage.

The third rule is: “Develop communication.” The marriage encounter program begins by sending couples to their rooms, where each person writes a letter listing all the positive things about his or her spouse. Then spouses exchange letters and read them out loud. When husbands and wives go to the next general meeting, they’re changed people. Tell your spouse what you like about him or her, and it will revolutionize your marriage.

The fourth rule is: “Turn up the thermostat in your marriage.” Show warmth and affection and intimacy. Hold hands the way you did when you were courting. Walk with your arms around each other. As you do, you’ll find that a touch can work magic.

Whether or not you have a marriage in trouble, I encourage you to apply these “rules” in your home today. As you seek to obey God’s will for your marriage, He will bless it, making it healthy and vital. And remember, don’t ever give up.

“When a man and woman get married, they become one.
The problems start when they try to figure out which one.”

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

— Proverbs 15:1, NIV

How are your relationships going these days? As you evaluate them, maybe you realize you’ve hit a snag with a close friend, spouse, co-worker, or neighbor. If so, what will you do about it?

Whether you’re single or married, a child or an elderly person, solving problems in relationships is one of the most important skills you will ever learn. It not only makes for a successful family life, it also makes for a successful career, a successful education, and a successful social life. Unless we have these skills, we’ll never be truly happy.

When we have a problem with someone, we have to learn to state that problem in a gentle, positive way. A simple and positive problem statement is important because if you don’t start right, you’ll have little hope of ending right. If in a kind voice, you say something like “I feel this way when you do such-and-such,” the other person can discover how you react to certain statements and actions (regardless of what that person may have intended). Instead of responding angrily, respond in kindness—“a gentle answer turns away wrath.”

We also need to listen actively and not interrupt. Summarize what you heard, and allow the other person to rephrase things if you didn’t quite understand. Listening in this way is really just applying the Golden Rule.

Next, brainstorm with the other person a mutually agreeable solution. Offer suggestions: “Well, we could do this, or we could do that.” Don’t criticize anyone’s suggestions (for example, avoid saying, “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”). Criticism freezes the brain and destroys our ability to develop creative solutions.

Once you’ve brainstormed some options, weigh the pros and cons of these potential solutions, and agree on one that is mutually acceptable. Implement it, and later evaluate its effectiveness.

Perhaps you desire reconciliation with someone who matters to you. Can you take the first step and give that person a “gentle answer” today?

“God gave us the ultimate soft answer.
He sent His Son to die in our place upon the Cross.”