“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

— Genesis 2:24

A patient once told a doctor, “I am in so much pain.” The doctor replied, “You will get better if you follow my instructions. Number one: Don’t kill yourself.”

Many people who are in great pain would never think of killing themselves. But when people experience pain in their marital relationships, they often think of “killing” their marriages. Do you have a marriage in trouble or know someone else who does? Then before doing anything else, follow (or encourage your friend to follow) this first rule for a successful marriage: “Don’t even consider ending it.” Marriage counselors report that ninety to ninety-five percent of troubled marriages can be healed. But that can only happen if you stick with it. Think only about doing what you can to save and heal your marriage, not about the other options the world offers.

The second rule for a successful marriage is: “Maintain a vital spiritual life.” Day by day draw closer to Christ, praying and reading His Word by yourself and with your spouse. We all need to know God’s Word so we can avoid worldly pitfalls that can chip away at our marriages. Therefore, search God’s Word, and obey it so that it may change your life and your marriage.

The third rule is: “Develop communication.” The marriage encounter program begins by sending couples to their rooms, where each person writes a letter listing all the positive things about his or her spouse. Then spouses exchange letters and read them out loud. When husbands and wives go to the next general meeting, they’re changed people. Tell your spouse what you like about him or her, and it will revolutionize your marriage.

The fourth rule is: “Turn up the thermostat in your marriage.” Show warmth and affection and intimacy. Hold hands the way you did when you were courting. Walk with your arms around each other. As you do, you’ll find that a touch can work magic.

Whether or not you have a marriage in trouble, I encourage you to apply these “rules” in your home today. As you seek to obey God’s will for your marriage, He will bless it, making it healthy and vital. And remember, don’t ever give up.

“When a man and woman get married, they become one.
The problems start when they try to figure out which one.”

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

— Proverbs 15:1, NIV

How are your relationships going these days? As you evaluate them, maybe you realize you’ve hit a snag with a close friend, spouse, co-worker, or neighbor. If so, what will you do about it?

Whether you’re single or married, a child or an elderly person, solving problems in relationships is one of the most important skills you will ever learn. It not only makes for a successful family life, it also makes for a successful career, a successful education, and a successful social life. Unless we have these skills, we’ll never be truly happy.

When we have a problem with someone, we have to learn to state that problem in a gentle, positive way. A simple and positive problem statement is important because if you don’t start right, you’ll have little hope of ending right. If in a kind voice, you say something like “I feel this way when you do such-and-such,” the other person can discover how you react to certain statements and actions (regardless of what that person may have intended). Instead of responding angrily, respond in kindness—“a gentle answer turns away wrath.”

We also need to listen actively and not interrupt. Summarize what you heard, and allow the other person to rephrase things if you didn’t quite understand. Listening in this way is really just applying the Golden Rule.

Next, brainstorm with the other person a mutually agreeable solution. Offer suggestions: “Well, we could do this, or we could do that.” Don’t criticize anyone’s suggestions (for example, avoid saying, “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”). Criticism freezes the brain and destroys our ability to develop creative solutions.

Once you’ve brainstormed some options, weigh the pros and cons of these potential solutions, and agree on one that is mutually acceptable. Implement it, and later evaluate its effectiveness.

Perhaps you desire reconciliation with someone who matters to you. Can you take the first step and give that person a “gentle answer” today?

“God gave us the ultimate soft answer.
He sent His Son to die in our place upon the Cross.”

“. . . you shall not bow down to them nor serve them . . .”

— Exodus 20:5

Two sailors squirmed in church as they heard the reading of the Ten Commandments. One of them whispered to the other, “Well, at least we didn’t worship any idols.” Do you also feel certain you’ve kept this commandment? We often seem to think we don’t have to worry about this one, but if this is true, why do the Scriptures often warn against idolatry? God knew that we are religious beings who need to worship something. And when we cease to worship the one true God, we replace Him with idolatry.

God knows our weak nature, our need to follow and worship something that transcends ourselves. In fact, even before the words of the Ten Commandments had settled in stone, the people of Israel had broken them, committing spiritual adultery in Horeb by worshiping a golden calf beneath the Lord’s presence while Moses was on Mount Sinai. Jeroboam doubled the sin in Bethel and in Dan, creating two calves for the people to worship. Throughout the Old Testament, from Solomon to Zedekiah, the people of Israel pursued their idols to the high places and brought God’s wrath upon themselves, until Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonian hordes came, tore down the walls of Jerusalem, and carried the people captive into Babylon. In the furnace of Babylon, the last debris of idolatry was burned away.

Idolatry is an illegitimate way to fill a legitimate need. People have quested after a tangible God—one who can be felt, seen, and heard. Within the human heart exists the desire to see and know God personally. That need does not have to remain unmet. Jesus, who was fully God and fully man, satisfies that need, revealing God’s nature to us.

Have you set something or someone above God? Make sure you give God His proper place in your life as your Lord who deserves all your praise.

“I will worship God, for He abides forever.”
Abraham
(according to jewish legend)

“Seek peace and pursue it.”

— Psalm 34:14

What creates stress? Nowadays there are many situations that produce stress within us. We have stressful jobs, stressful relationships, stressful responsibilities. But listen to what one doctor says: “Since stress comes from the way in which you think, and not from the situation or people involved in your stress, you can begin to practice mind control.” Well, now, isn’t that news. Three thousand years after King David told us to “Seek peace and pursue it,” we discover that we can find the antidote for stress in our own minds.

The apostle Paul knew the importance of peace. He began many of his epistles with the words “Peace be unto you.” He ended many of them with “Grace, mercy and peace be yours.” Peace is the alpha and omega of the Christian’s well-being. As children of God, peace should be our normal state, and it will be the totality of our mental state in Heaven. But right now, unfortunately, many people fail to find it.

How sad it is to see unbelievers struggle—in vain—to find peace by turning to Eastern religious practices such as transcendental meditation or yoga. But even many believers don’t seem to find the peace they need. Instead, we all experience anxiety, stress, and a lack of serenity to some degree.

We need to seek the peace of God and pursue it in the morning, at night, throughout each day, in the midst of stressful situations. We need to recover weekly so that we don’t build up an accumulation of ever-growing stress in our lives. Do you feel stressed out, as if you can’t take any more? Then take time to lie “beside the still waters.” Take time out once a week for a restful, worshipful Sabbath. Above all, take time to really hear God’s words: “Be still and know that I am God.”

“It is not adversity that kills, but the impatience
with which we bear adversity.”
Anonymous

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

— Philippians 4:8

Whatever we hide in our hearts reflects in our behavior, and our behavior reflects our hearts to the world. If you could see your heart in a mirror, what characteristics would that mirror reflect?

A family decided to move to a town across the river from where they lived. They could only cross the river by sailing on a large raft. The family members asked the man who operated the raft, “What kind of people live in our new town?” He said, “Well, what kind of people did you find in your old town?” They said, “Oh, these were the most wonderful people—loving, caring, kind, and thoughtful. We really hate to lose them.” The man replied, “Well, I think you’ll find that the people in your new town are the same kind of folks.”

A week or so later, another family sailed across the same river on the same raft. The family members asked the man the same question as the first family, and they received a similar response: “What kind of people did you find in your old town?” This family said, “Oh, those folks. What a bunch of no-good, low-down cutthroats. They would lie about you, talk about you behind your back, and gossip. They’re malicious and vile. We couldn’t wait to get away from them.”

Each family had attracted people who mirrored their own behavior and would continue to do so no matter where they moved. In the same way, what we reflect to the world affects the environment around us. If we want to impact people to become loving, truthful, noble, pure, and virtuous, then we need to reflect those characteristics from our hearts.

Here are some Scriptures to hide in your heart that will reflect well in the world. “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matthew 7:1). “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12). “For all who take the sword will perish by the sword” (Matthew 26:52). “A soft answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). “A man who has friends must himself be friendly” (Proverbs 18:24).

Today ask God to show you how you can better reflect godly characteristics to those around you. Then put into practice anything He asks of you. As you obey, God will use you to impact your world.

“The world is a looking glass and gives back to every
man the reflection of his own face.”
William Thackeray

“You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

— James 4:3

Unanswered prayers are a stumbling block. Often when people pray but don’t hear answers from God, they believe that God doesn’t listen, that He doesn’t care, or even that He doesn’t exist. But God is most definitely there, and He wants to answer our prayers. However, we often get in His way. God doesn’t answer some of our prayers because we ask “amiss,” as James puts it. In other words, there’s something wrong with the sender (us), not the hearer (God), of the prayers.

If you’ve persistently asked God to answer a prayer, yet you haven’t heard an answer from Him, you might have “static on the line,” an obstruction in communication with your heavenly Father. I’d like to share with you five prayers that can put you back on course to an effective prayer life:

1. “O God, slay me.” As new creatures in Christ we constantly wrestle with our old wretched selves. As long as the old nature prevails, God will not answer our prayers. Thus, we should ask God to slay our old nature.
2. “O God, cleanse me by Thy blood.” If we expect God to answer our prayers, we should not come into His presence stained in sin. Instead we must confess and turn away from our sins.
3. “Fill me with the Holy Spirit.” We need to pray that the Spirit will fill us and empower us to live for God daily and to overcome temptation.
4. “God, lead me this day.” God has a perfect plan, a far better plan for our lives than we can create. We must allow Him to lead us in His will daily.
5. “Dear Lord, use me this day for your glory.” We must make ourselves available to God as His bond servants, willing to do whatever He asks of us.

I encourage you to sincerely pray these prayers, meditate upon them, and use them to present yourself to God as a clean and willing servant. As you pray this way, Christ will surprise you with joy as He makes Himself known more fully in your daily walk. You’ll no doubt find that as you pray according to His will, you’ll experience some incredible answers beyond your wildest dreams.

“Heaven is never deaf but when man’s heart is dumb.”
Francis Quarles

“You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss . . .”

— James 4:3

What do the following bestseller titles communicate to you about our society: The Virtue of Selfishness and Looking Out for Number One? What does it mean to you that we buy books like these in droves?

Tragically, selfishness characterizes our age. Our society has hurled God from the throne and crowned self as monarch. Then we’ve turned around and treated God as the conduit to all our desires. We “conjure up” God as if He were a genie in a bottle, commanding Him to manipulate the world to our liking.

But we shouldn’t treat God as a means to whatever we want. He isn’t a means to our own ends; He Himself is the end we should seek. If we think otherwise, we should ask the Lord to change our selfish hearts.

Selfishness is at the root of many an unanswered prayer. When we “ask amiss,” we ask for fulfillment of our selfish desires, not for the furtherance of God’s kingdom. But Christ showed us, through the Lord’s Prayer (found in Matthew 6), that we must seek God’s kingdom first, not our own. The first petition in the Lord’s Prayer is “Hallowed be thy name.” We should make it our priority to praise and honor God when we pray. The second petition reads, “Thy kingdom come.” We should diligently beseech Jesus Christ to bring His kingdom into this world and into our lives. The third petition is “Thy will be done.” We need to lay our will at Jesus’ feet and ask Him to fulfill His purposes through our lives.

Today pray, “Lord, what would you have me do this day?” Then make yourself available to do His will and further His kingdom in whatever way He desires. Pray every day, focusing your petitions not on yourself but on your King.

“Seven days without prayer makes one weak.”
Allen E. Bartlett

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he . . .”

— Proverbs 23:7

Many people constantly dwell on negative thoughts. They dwell on their fears, hurts, and problems. They focus on the fly in the ointment, never seeing the ointment but only the fly. With their negativity and destructiveness, these people can ruin the lives of those who have the misfortune of living with them and around them. Most of all, these pessimistic people destroy their own bodies and souls with their negative thoughts. And so their lives shrivel.

What kind of thoughts do you dwell on? Are you a positive thinker, or do you most often find yourself dwelling in the pit of despair?

Echoing a Biblical truth, Marcus Aurelius once said, “The most important things in life are the thoughts you choose to think.” The Bible says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Many people believe that they don’t choose their thoughts at all, that instead their thoughts choose them. Thoughts rush at them in a stream, like a rolling script going across a TV screen, and no one can control them. But this is not so.

We do choose our thoughts. We choose what we think, and what we choose to think impacts our lives. Our thoughts determine what we say and how we say it. They determine what we are and what we become. “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” We are the outward embodiments, the incarnations, of our thoughts, and because of this, we need to choose well what we think.

Take notes from the apostle Paul. He was beaten and imprisoned for the Gospel’s sake. Because of all his trials, he could easily have had a gloomy outlook. Instead he chose to think good and positive thoughts, beginning with thoughts of the Lord. We should heed Paul’s instruction: “Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

Do you need to make a thought adjustment today? Let me encourage you to counteract your negative thoughts with positive ones. And as you do this, watch how you and your life change.

“Every act of a man springs from the hidden seeds of thought.”
James Allen

“I am a debtor both to Greeks and to barbarians, both to wise and to unwise.”

— Romans 1:14

Are you in debt? These days, it seems, who isn’t? But financial obligations are one thing. We also incur spiritual debts. Paul claimed he was a debtor to the Gentiles, the barbarians, the wise, and the unwise. Yet how could this be? What had those people done for him? Nothing at all. At least, nothing good. In fact five times they beat him with forty stripes minus one. Three times they beat him with rods, and once they stoned him and left him for dead. So what debt did he owe?

Just the same debt that pertains to every single person who claims to believe in Jesus Christ. Everyone who has received the gospel of Christ has received it as a steward, responsible to God, who gave it, and to the rest of humankind, for whom it’s intended.

“I am a debtor,” cried William Carey as he launched the modern missionary movement, setting sail for India to bring the Gospel to the Hindus.

“I am a debtor,” cried David Livingstone as he plunged for the first time into the interior of Africa to open the dark continent to the light of Christ’s gospel.

“I am a debtor,” cried William Wilberforce as he devoted his entire life to ridding Great Britain of the onerous slave trade. On his deathbed he received word that he had finally succeeded.

“I am a debtor,” cried Florence Nightingale as she went to far-flung battlefields to begin the noble profession of nursing, to bind up the wounded, and to care for the dying.

“I am a debtor,” cried William Booth as he started the Salvation Army to reach the downtrodden of the world.

And how about you, my friend? Are you a debtor? Does the realization of what Jesus Christ has done for you compel you to serve Him and others? Today ask God to use you to share the Good News.

“That land is henceforth my country which most needs the gospel.”
Count Zinzendorf